I don’t trust anybody anymore. My only friends are blades. And I want to trust someone else, but how can I when they just keep leaving me? Obviously, it’s my fault. I’m the one doing something wrong.
How could I have ever thought it would get better?
How could I think I could be happy? How could I think that maybe I did mean something to them, that maybe I was “necessary”? I’m not. I will never mean something to them, I don’t deserve to be happy. I’m not necessary. They have another child. They have people to be proud of. I’m just the one to blame, the one to yell at when things go wrong. They can cry and be emotional, but I have to be strong. Once I bent, I couldn’t stop until I broke. And they will toss me away just like everyone else has once they realize that that’s just what I am. Broken.
I just got a new horse today, a thirteen year old Paso Fino mare named Hope. Right now I’m crying cause when I grabbed the leadrope to put her in the trailer, she sniffed the scars on my arm, then licked them and leaned her head against me. This is why I love horses more than people, they don’t judge you and they always understand!
Anonymous asked: i dont know you or your situation or what youve been through. but what i do know is that you are not your past. you are not the words people have said about you. your arent the words your mind is telling you you are. you arent the reflection in the mirror. you stay strong. you keep fighting. you are so much more and i know you will over come this. i have faith in you.
You….. are simply amazing. I love you. You’ve helped me a lot with just this message. Thank you, so very much. This also reminded me that like none of my followers know why I’m depressed. If you want to know, you can always ask. It doesn’t hurt too much to talk about it… Most times, anyway.